When visiting a city, you will encounter the normal gamut of gay men: twinks, otters, bears, cubs, jocks and everything in between. Houston gays differ from New York gays, Los Angeles gays, Miami gays and definitely Dallas gays. And that’s great. It makes turning Grindr on in a different city that much more exciting. It is like playing sexual Pokemon Go around the country; gotta catch them all.
Here are some of the types of guys you will find in Houston that may not show up everywhere.
The Gay Nerd (Homo Nerdius)
Like a minority at a Donald Trump rally, these can be hard to spot. One’s intellect cannot be established solely by some nice glasses and a cardigan anymore, hipsters ruined that for everyone. However, Houston has the largest medical center in the world and top tier universities like Rice so they can be found everywhere.
Out-of-Town Gays (Homo She-Doesn’t-Go-Hereian)
Houston is a major hub in the oil and gas industry as well as the energy market. The amount of men visiting for work looking for fun always high. Trust me, I used to live around multiple hotels and if I hadn't moved, I would’ve died of exhaustion.
However, this also includes all of the many suburbs in Houston. Look, there is nothing wrong with living in Sugarland, The Woodlands, Friendswood, etc. but when spending an intimate evening with someone who lives there, always factor in traffic and the cost of the Uber ride back to your apartment the next day.
Circuit Boiz (Homo Drinkalotta)
The Rattata of Houston gays. These are young men with expendable income and a thirst for alcohol. When they walk into a bar they have to make the rounds and say hi to everyone because somehow they know the entire bar. Be careful though, odds are you aren't the first or last gentleman they'll entertain this week.
Masc4Masc Good ‘Ole Southern Gays (Homo Whitea)
Due to Southern views on gender these are your masc types who are unable to let their hair down and let loose. They look down on femme men. But as soon as you get them home, that façade comes down as quick as that pink jockstrap they are wearing. These types would probably feel more at home in Dallas (read into that what you will).
Distinguished Gays (Homo Fancy Pantsian)
Since Houston has a high volume of museums, theaters and art galleries it makes sense we would have a subgroup of highbrow men. These are the type that knows what is going on in the world and watch the news, even if it isn’t coming from hottie news anchors like Anderson Cooper or Thomas Roberts.
While this is not an exhaustive list, these breeds of homosexuals are surely found in any Houston gay bar.
